


Step in the Wrong Direction

by ItsMorleyToYou



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Hurt Spencer, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Oblivious Spencer Reid, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Protective Derek, Protective Team, Spencer Reid Whump, Team as Family, Worried Derek Morgan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23945671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsMorleyToYou/pseuds/ItsMorleyToYou
Summary: Hotch and Morgan are arresting an unsub but a victim's mother has a gun and Spencer isn't going to let her shoot it. Well... not at them at least(Spencer Reid gets shot)
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & David Rossi, Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia & Derek Morgan
Comments: 25
Kudos: 397





	1. Chapter 1

He blinks.

Spencer can see Hotch and Morgan running towards him - almost in slow motion - they're mouthing something and staring at him with fear, pain and… shock in their eyes.

Why are they shocked?

The right side of his chest feels sticky, and cold but warm in the middle. Weirdly warm. But it's not warm, it's hot and it hurts. Not like a punch, he'd had more than enough of those in his life to know what it felt like he was punched. This was more like a pinch, that was blossoming into a cramp - a horrible, numbing cramp.

A flash of light bounces into his sight, blinding him for a second. He turns to his right, following the source of the light but there was a gun. A gun held in a pale, shaking hand that is pointing at him. Reid took in the woman with the weapon; her cardigan was worn, the buttons had all been replaced at least twice judging by the colours of the worn thread that loosely held them in place. She was shaking all over and had tear tracks down her face. She's pale, her face whiter by far than her trembling hand - was it shock? 'She's going into shock' he realises, he needs to get her to sit down.

Maybe he should sit down, his brain suggests, he was feeling light-headed and the cramp in his chest is getting worse. Hotch and Morgan were getting closer, but the distance between them is considerable - they were walking the latest unsub to a police car before they started running towards him. He looked at the distance between them and measured it to be around 120ft. Their running strides were around 3ft 10 inches so it would take them at least 40 seconds to get here and take the gun off of her.

Spencer turns his attention back to the woman, she's staring at his chest, right where the weird hot-cold-sticky patch is. Why is she staring at his chest? Her hand is still shaking, he watches as her fingers reflexively dropped the black lump of metal. Rejecting it. He watches as it turns in the air and catches the light before hitting the grass below her outstretched arm. Her hand is still pointed at him, and her eyes are trained on his chest.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

His memories drown his mind and it all makes sense. The woman was Jane Prailan, the 47 year-old mother of 7 year-old James and 5 year-old fraternal twins Lily and Jackson Prailan - the last victims of Arthur Greening, a pedophile with sociopathic tendencies who kidnapped and murdered 6 kids in 8 weeks. She lived 9 houses down from him and saw the FBI cars race down the street and the agents run into his house, guns in hand. She'd had her suspicions about the man but this confirmed them. She had made up her mind as she palmed the cool metal of the gun in her own pocket and started walking towards the house when she'd heard the sirens.

Spencer had seen her walking towards the scene and had gone to explain to her that they'd found the man who had killed her children when he saw the lump in her pocket. She stopped in mid step when she realised he was walking to her with his hands slightly raised, with a look of trepidation on his face.

"Mrs Prailan? Please don't do this" he implored as he watched her hand grasp the gun in her pocket. It shook lightly but he knew it wasn't from nerves, it was from grief and the anguish she was suffering.

"He killed my babies agent. He killed them. They had their whole lives ahead of them, they were supposed to finish grade school and go to high school and college and I was supposed to walk my babies down the aisle at their weddings!" she sobbed, choking at the despair clogging her throat

"But I can't. Because that…" she shook her head and smiled an empty, desolate grimace then steadied herself.

"Because that monster decided that my children were his playthings and robbed them of everything. He stole their life, their joy, their innocence! Because he wanted to. Because his need to play God was greater than my babies lives"

Spencer could hear Morgan and Hotch inside the house, kicking through doors and yelling at Greening to drop the knife. He knew he didn't have long until Jane had a clear shot at the man who killed her kids and Spencer's friends.

"I know that you're hurting. Mrs Prailan, I know that you're in an unimaginable amount of pain right now and you think that killing this man will right the wrongs done to your children and make him feel that pain but I can promise you it won't. All it will do is put you in prison and leave your husband and son with more pain and devastation in their lives."

He took a step towards her and another to his left when she pulled out the gun and took several steps back.

"He killed them! They were our kids and he killed them! He deserves a million bullets in that slimy, filthy head of his!" she gestured wildly towards the house but her gun hand was steady.

"Please just calm down-" he placated

"No, don't tell me to calm down! He's coming out of that house and when does I will put a bullet in him" She looked in his eyes earnestly, "Please, let me do this"

Spencer took two more steps to his left, turning Jane slightly. The house was no longer behind but to him right, giving him a clear view of the front door where Hotch and Morgan would exit with the suspect in less than a minute by his estimate due to the lack of sound coming from the house. Which meant they were subduing Greening… A mental countdown started in his head to when they would walk out.

"I understand why you want to do this but you can't" he stressed "What if you miss? What if you hit an innocent agent or passerby?"

46, 45, 44, 43…

She looked past him at the crowd that was beginning to grow around the cars and on the pavement, there were couples holding eachothers hands and parents silently praying that they would get their children back alive from the basement he kept them in.

32, 31, 30, 29…

"I won't miss" Jane insisted, "I won't".

She was doing this for them, those children, their siblings and those parents who had their family ripped away from them.

24, 23, 22, 21...

Jane Prailan watched the perfectly painted door of Greening's house open and agents started pouring out onto the street; she pulled out her gun and pointed it towards the house, focusing on Greening's rumpled white shirt in a sea of navy Vests. Jane steeled herself, placed her finger on the trigger and slid the safety off.

18, 17, 16, 15...

"I won't"

Reid heard the footsteps before he realised what was happening, he whipped his head around to see Morgan marching out Greening with Hotch by his side.

They were early. And directly in the crosshairs of Prailan's shot. He panicked, his chest seizing, he couldn't let her shoot into a crowd, at his friends, his family. He pushed himself in front of the barrel as he watched the woman squeeze the trigger. Her eyes widened almost in slow-motion and they sank straight to his torso, where not even 4 feet away, her gun was smoking and his blood was starting to trickle out of his chest.

The bang reached his ears a second later, it was loud, deafening, it made his ears ring. He knew Hotch and Morgan had heard it but it would take them a few precious seconds to figure out where it had come from. Seconds he didn't have. He stepped, no, stumbled to the side. Turning his head to see Morgan and Hotch, the look of acknowledgement and horror on their faces.

Suddenly, his view of the world stopped for a while.

He feels his blood on his hands, the heat and pain building up in his chest, the warmth of the sun seeping into his back. His knees give way and he starts falling backwards as his hand stretches out towards Morgan and Hotch - a silent 'help me'. They're too far for them to catch him but they both try, running as fast as they can with a hand outstretched, and the other on a gun. Telling him they're here, he's not on his own.

His head hits the pavement with a startling thud and it feels strangely numb, he can hear Hotch yelling for an officer to arrest Jane Prailan, for an ambulance to be called and their footsteps getting closer. He blinks, closes his eyes for a second and suddenly they're there above him. Morgan's hands are clamping down on the bullet wound and Hotch is cradling his face, he's saying something, tapping his face too hard.

"-eid!"

"-pen your eyes!"

"Come on Spencer! Please! Don't do this!"

'I'm awake, stop hitting me' he thinks, it's annoying and everything is too much

"We will when you open your eyes Pretty Boy"

He'd said that out loud? He tries to open his eyes but the sun is too bright and he can't see anything but bright and shadows until Hotch moves his torso to block the light.

"Reid! You're okay, you're alright, you're gonna be fine. Prailan is in cuffs and there's an ambulance on the way" Hotch reassures him, it's nice - people tend to baby him but never reassure him.

"She didn't mean to, sh-she was trying to get G-Greening ah-!" His back arches and he tries to curl onto his side and make the pain go away but Morgan's hand on his chest stops him. His blood is still pouring out of him like a grotesque tap that can't be turned off.He knows Morgan is helping but it hurts and he wants his Mom, JJ, Gideon and an all consuming hug to scare away the cold that was making him shake.

"I couldn't let her sh-shoot him, you could've b-been hit, it was too far away. I-I couldn't let her h-hurt either of you. Sh-she didn't m-mean to" He rambles, he knows he's rambling but they have to know.

"Hey, we know G-man, it's okay. But once you're okay I am gonna kick you 7 ways to Sunday for putting yourself in front of a bullet for us" Morgan gripes.

He feels sick with Spencer blood running through his fingers, he presses harder, trying to stop the flow. Derek hears Reid moan in pain and it makes him wince. He whispers a silent apology and whips his head around searching for the ambulance. He can hear distant sirens and thanks every god for their luck.

Reid tries to cough but it's a nasty gurgling sound that comes out instead and some drops of blood splash on his cheek and Hotch's hands, joining the river that was steadily sliding down his chest.

He looks up at Hotch and sees the poorly concealed panic in his eyes, he can tell that he's scared of losing another member of their small family "Hey Spencer, do you hear that? That's the ambulance, you're gonna be fine! Come on, don't you have a statistic for us?"

Reid laughs, but it moves his chest and it feels like he's on fire. The blood that's coating his throat starts clogging it instead and he can't breathe.

"If something happens-" he chokes

"It won't" Morgan cuts him off

"But if it does, I need you to pass on a message to my mom. She's not gonna do well if I'm not here and you're gonna have to tell her-"

"You can tell her yourself Pretty Boy" Morgan insists and Hotch knows he's begging him not to do it.

"Hotch?" Reid murmurs

"Yeah?"

"Tell her I love her, and I'm sorry I didn't visit her more often. She needs to know that I'm gone and that I'm with her in my letters and that-" he's cut off by the blood in his throat that he coughs out onto his chin. The pain is spreading everywhere and numbing his brain "And that my time in the BAU was one of the best things to ever happen to me"

He smiles up at them both but it's more of a grimace and he knows that the tears are streaming out of his eyes, not just from saying goodbye but the agony of the hole ripped through his chest. He feels Hotch brush them away and check his pulse but that's minor to the feeling that he's drowning in his own lungs and he knows it's probably because there's blood pouring into his lungs.

Blue and red lights colour Morgan and Hotch, painting their expressions of pain and fear like art on canvas. He hears EMTs telling them to step back and a board being shoved under his back. He can't keep his eyes open anymore but he hopes he'll wake up tomorrow. He feels pads being held down on his chest and he grabs Derek and Aaron's hands with his last bit of energy before he passes out.

But he knows he'll survive.


	2. The Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid's on his way to the hospital and when he gets there the team is rattled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I recently found out that far too many writers like to kill off our dear Spencer in these situations and I read probably 20 where he did in fact die so it's safe to say I made myself cry but I'm writing to distract myself so it's all good - enjoy! Also this was supposed to be just a quick 2nd chapter to finish off the story but that went out the window :)

The ambulance was speeding down the suburban streets, swerving around cars, blue and red lights dancing on the windows as it races past. Drivers stared on in despondency at the vehicle, the news of the disappearing kids made everyone wary and after the local radio had reported that a government agent had been shot, they knew who was most likely in the back of the van. The siren hollered and wailed on the path to the hospital as Spencer Reid fought for his life on an uncomfortable gurney.

The paramedics hands flew across the young doctor's chest, attaching wires connected to monitors that he could name disassemble and reassemble in a matter of minutes, a gauze was pressed tightly against his chest and an oxygen mask covered his face. He was calling out numbers to the other paramedic who was writing them down frantically before helping to stem the blood that was leaking onto the gurney. He tried to take off the mask to talk to Hotch who had jumped in the ambulance with him - he silenced the EMTs with a look when they tried to stop him from joining them on the way to the hospital - but Hotch gently grabbed his hand and encased it in both of his to stop him from trying again. Reid turned his eyes to Aaron, watching the paramedics dart in and out of his vision was making him dizzy, "Hey Hotch?" he murmured "Did you know that only 4.4% of people with gunshot wounds to the chest survive? And out of that 4.4% only 0.02% have a fast recovery period that is less than 4 months?" he gasped, it was hard to breathe let alone talk but he didn't like listening to the numbers that were being shouted around the ambulance.

"In fact, the mortality rate for gunshot wounds to the chest has actually risen by 58% since the 1970s as it used to 36.8%, however the development of guns during that time period has allowed to wounds to become more fatal and therefore increasing the-" he gasped and the paramedic pushed harder on his chest which made his eyes slide into the back of his head and his chest jolt upwards, his hand slipping out of Hotch's and clenching tightly. The pain in his chest had skyrocketed and he couldn't feel his hands or see anything, he panicked and felt his hands clenching and his nails digging into his skin. He heard people speaking urgently and hands pushing pillows under his neck, he felt a hand gently unfurl his fingers and slip into his own grasp. The comfort and warmth he felt from the hand grounded him but he couldn't breathe and his body was so taught it hurt. His mind went blank as he crashed back down to the gurney, black crowded his vision and he felt himself start shaking, his already strained muscles screaming in agony at the overextension and in turn spasming out of control. Reid's left leg jerked forward and hit the rail of the gurney with a sickening pop and he felt wisps of hair brush against his hand before he passed out.

The paramedics were jarringly calm as they assessed the unconscious man's leg and determined that the partial seizure and following spasms had dislocated his knee and the doctor had passed out from pain and a lack of oxygen. Hotch watched as they gently adjusted the oxygen mask back into Reid's face and he grasped the kid's hand tightly, dipping his head forward to rest in them and send a silent thankful prayer that the seizure hadn't been worse.

Hotch's face was pale and panicked as he watched the EMT's movements get faster as they repeatedly checked the monitors on the wall of the ambulance that started going haywire, their words began to bleed together and deafen his ears but he caught the odd phrase as he kept his eyes glued to Reid's lax and scarily pale face.

"Hemothorax-"

"-e needs a thoracotomy"

"It's filling up with blood, he-"

"-ainage tube now!"

"He's not breathing!"

Hotch forced his brain to focus, Reid needed him, the team needed Reid. He was their glue, they'd almost lost him once before and he wouldn't lose him again.

One of the paramedics cut off the rest of Reid's FBI vest and shirt and started wiping away the blood and disinfecting the side of his chest. The kid was skinny, Hotch knew that, he rarely saw Reid eat during a case and never saw him drink anything other than coffee but when the knitted vest and bloaf soaked shirt had been cut away the harsh reality of the kids need to put others above himself was stark. He said he was taking care of himself, the team just never realised that his definition of 'taking care' was buying a new book and putting one less sugar in his coffee. All too often he was at the gun range - especially after one of the team got hurt but no matter how bad it was, Reid was always there for the team, always comforting presence or a supplier of a witty fact when he knew they needed to laugh. Those days spent at the gun range and the unexpectedly high amount of running on the job had given his arms and legs some definition but the rest of his body barely had enough fat to rival a strip of bacon.

Hotch was drawn out of his thoughts when he heard Reid choking, blood coating the inside of the oxygen mask and one side of his chest was almost deflating. One of the paramedics had a scalpel to Reid chest and was pushing it in with a surgical detachment that Hotch hated. The paramedic, the badge on her uniform might've read Jackson but Hotch couldn't even remember the day let alone a name - ripped open a package and grabbed the sterilised tube from the plastic, gently inserting one end it into Spencer's chest and connecting the other to an IV bag with another tube coming out of it. Hotch watched as she connected it to a small handheld pump and squeezed it 3 times until the blood started flowing into the bag. She took a stethoscope from the open cabinet behind her, put the buds in her ears and the chest piece just below the gauze on the agent's chest. She breathed a small sigh of relief when his chest started rising and falling, she took out a small pen light and pulled his eyelids up lightly, shining the light into them.

"Sir? Sir? Can you hear me?" she questioned. It made Hotch irrationally protective and angry, this woman knew nothing about Reid, she didn't know that he had never been called Sir, it was always Doctor. Gideon had made sure to always introduce him as Doctor so that people didn't undermine him or think he was a kid out in the field. Hotch had made the team carry on the tradition, they all might joke around with him but they never made him feel subpar than the rest of them.

"Reid. Doctor Reid. His name is Doctor Spencer Reid, not Sir" he announced as he caught her eye, making sure she understood.

Their small family could call him kid but not her, not anyone who wasn't part of the team, not anyone who didn't know him.

She continued checking his pupils and blood pressure, but Hotch became wary when she started talking to the paramedic driving the ambulance.

"He's breathing but he's hypotensive, emergency thoracotomy and chest drainage in place. He'll need to go straight to the OR and get a transfusion"

"ETA is less than a minute, we're 3 blocks away"

A ringing phone sounded out in the cramped vehicle, Jackson stared at Hotch with expectant eyes but he was zoned out with his focus on the odd breath that would fog up Reid's oxygen mask. It reassured him that he hasn't lost him yet. He couldn't afford to lose another member of the team not after Gideon and Elle.

She cleared her throat loudly and gave a pointed stare at Hotch's pocket when she gained his attention. He muttered an apology under his breath and declined the call, pushing his cell back into his pocket and taking hold of Reid's hand once more.

The ambulance came to an abrupt stop and Hotch was left lurching when the EMT's whisked Reid away on the gurney, beckoning him with a "Agent?" as he followed them through the monotone halls. They're joined by a doctor and 2 nurses whilst they race down the halls and they're calling out to each other, repeating all the things Jackson said in the ambulance.

A hand pushes against Hotch's chest and Reid disappears through a set of double doors with the swarm of hospital staff and he almost goes to break it before realising it's a nurse.

"I'm sorry Sir, you can't go in but there is a waiting room around the corner if you'd like to stay. Your friend is going to be in surgery for at least a couple of hours and it's a 2 hour wait after the surgery for immediate family to visit, but you're more than welcome to wait" the nurse assured him

"I'll wait, thank you" Hotch States and nods to the nurse. He walks around to the waiting area the nurse directed him to and is handed a form to fill out by the woman behind the desk. He pulls out the FBI healthcare card and fills it in before going on to fill out the rest of Reid's information. A useful part of being in charge of the team is knowing their details and medical history. He memorised their information just in case something ever happened. It's how he cares for them without being as outwardly affectionate as Garcia or JJ.

He handed the form back and slumped down in his chair, pulling out his phone and checking the missed calls from earlier:

4:38pm: J. JAREAU 2 missed calls

4:42pm: P. GARCIA 5 missed calls, 4 messages

4:43pm: D. MORGAN 2 missed calls, 1 message

4:50pm: D. ROSSI 1 message

He heaved a heavy sigh and dialled the 3rd number on his speed dial.

"Hi, it's Hotch,"

"Aaron, how's Reid? Derek just told us what happened" Dave's voice crackles through his phone

"They've uh… They've just taken him into surgery" Hotch replies shakily

"And how're you?"

"He stopped breathing in the ambulance, they said he was drowning because there was blood in his lungs. He almost died and I-" Hotch cuts himself off with a sharp breath "I'm fine, but Reid's in bad shape"

"He'll be okay Hotch, he's our boy genius, we need him too much for him not to be okay and he knows that. The kid will pull through" He was thankful for Dave. He's one of the few people Aaron can always depend on, they've seen each other through the worst situations and the BAU brought them closer. He couldn't talk to anyone else in the team right now, if he did, he would have to compartmentalise this whole situation and he couldn't do that right now, he thinks. He was too deep in his thoughts and Reid could be dying through a set of double doors and he didn't want to push back his emotions for once.

"Which hospital are you at? Morgan couldn't remember which one was closest"

"We're at Parkland Hospital on uh-" he searches around for an leaflet on the table beside him that has a map of the hospital and the location of it on the back. He pulls the pale blue leaflet out of the pile and flips it over before finding the small map. "It's on Harry Hines Boulevard. The nurses said I can't see him for at least 4 hours because of the surgery but…"

"We'll be there in 20"

"Thank you, Dave"

"He'll be okay Aaron,"

"I know"

"See you in 20"

Thank god for David Rossi, Hotch thought.

15 minutes later the team of agents hurried through the doors of the hospital, following the signs and colours lined to get to the waiting room. JJ took in Hotch, his forehead was resting on his index fingers and his hands held together as if he were praying, His eyes were closed but she knew he was zoned out because he hadn't even moved when they'd called out his name as they entered the waiting area.

She took a step away from the group towards Hotch and gently squeezed his shoulder, his head shot up, eyes wide and almost lost.

"Hotch," she asked quietly, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. They took him into surgery about half an hour ago and I haven't heard anything since."

Penelope looked at Morgan with worry and sadness, she knew he felt guilty because he didn't protect their boy wonder but Derek being Derek, she knew he wouldn't talk about it, nor while Reid was on the table. She loved Reid, not in the way that she loved Derek or Kevin, she loved him like a brother or a kid. He'd been through so much in his life and he flourished in the BAU, he held together their little family with his giant brain and brilliant quirks. She'd almost lost him too many times because of his need to save people which was so typically Spencer and she couldn't lose him again. Penelope fought back the tears as she tried to catch Morgan's eye but instead he slung an arm around her shoulders, kissed the top of her head and rested his chin in her hair. Her arms snaked around his waist and hugged him tightly. No one was okay but now wasn't the time to talk about it. They needed their Junior G-Man, they would fall apart without him.

The team sat down in the bland blue chairs around Hotch, he had taken place on the second chair in from the door - it had a direct line of sight to the doors Reid had disappeared through. JJ was on the seat opposite her boss and Emily next to her. Penelope and Derek took the chairs 2 seats down from Hotch that that snaked round the corner, facing them to the window to the corridor to the OR and Dave walked between his team, taking the seat next to Hotch. Between the six of them they were taking up the entire the waiting room, the air was tense and fragile, one wrong word would shatter the facade that they'd put in place.

They sat like that for an hour.

Emily got up to get everyone coffee.

Derek held his until it got cold.

JJ called Will and told him she wouldn't be home tonight.

Hotch called Jack to tell him goodnight.

Penelope held Derek's hand.

They sat like that for another 3 hours. 

10 hours later at 3:37am, an exhausted doctor walked towards the waiting room. She pulled her pen out of her breast pocket and spoke quietly to the nurse behind the desk who handed her a clipboard with several papers clipped to the top. She started flicking through the papers and scribbled her way through 4 pages before putting the pen back in her pocket and making her way into the waiting room, capturing the attention of 6 anxious and exhausted agents.

"Family of Spencer Reid?" she looked up at the agents, their eyes were trained on her like greyhounds to a rabbit.

"No, but I'm his incase of emergency contact, and as his superior in the FBI it gives me the same rights to his medical information as family" Hotch declared, he kept her eyes with a steely assertion, like he was daring her to challenge him.

"Very well, Mr?"

"Hotchner"

"Okay Mr Hotchner, if you'd like to follow me we can discuss Doctor Reid's condition."

"Can my team join us?"

"Unfortunately not, but it'll only take 10 minutes tops, then once he's in his room I'll send a nurse to take you all to him after the nurses have finished post-operation assessment" She explained, somehow she looked clinical and sympathetic which is a feat few doctors achieve. She turned and started to walk out the door, knowing the agent would follow her.

Aaron nodded and stood up, sending a curt nod to Dave before following her down the hall. They walked down too many halls before coming to a small consulting room just outside the ICU. She nodded for Hotch to sit down as she closed the door and sat behind the desk, placing the open file infront of her.

"So Agent Hotchner, as I'm sure you're aware Doctor Reid's state was very fragile when he arrived, he had a dislocated knee, a GSW to the chest which tore a hole in his lung and broke his rib, but the bullet lodged against the back of that same rib. Because of this, blood was draining into his lung so they performed an emergency thoracotomy and chest drainage in the ambulance - which you saw - to remove the blood and help him to breathe, however between the gunshot wound, the hole in his lung and the surgery to repair the damage, Doctor Reid suffered major blood loss and had to be resuscitated 3 times on the table. We gave him a blood transfusion which he is still currently on and we were able to repair the damage to his lung and chest cavity as well as taking out the splinters from his broken rib that had shifted on the way to the hospital. We X-rayed his knee and thankfully no bones were broken when it dislocated during his partial seizure. But because he stopped breathing several times, we're worried the lack of oxygen may have made Doctor Reid's condition worse and we think he might have brain damage. He's in the ICU now and he's under constant observation but it'll be around an hour and a half before you and your team can see him" She finished sympathetically. Hotch hated the pity in her eyes. He didn't need sympathy, he needed to see Spencer.

Hotch hung his head, he needed to think. Reid could lose one of his greatest assets he could lose his job, the team could lose Reid. How was he supposed to tell them that they could lose a part of their family?

"What are his chances?" the man uttered with a blank gaze as he stared at the doctor.

"Excuse me?" She seemed stunned, was that a bad question? Was he thinking too darkly? Hotch started to panic internally. Was he thinking about the end when that wasn't in sight?

"Is that not-"

"Sorry, no I- I wasn't expecting that question most people jump straight to the denial stage." She smiled, it wasn't to reassure him and he appreciated that.

"I'm not going to lie to you, his chances aren't great but they're not terrible. After the intense trauma his body has been through its going to take longer to heal, especially if there is brain damage but the chance of that is low because he was resuscitated quickly each time but your boy's strong, he made it through 6 and a half hours of surgery, he's a fighter."

She had an honest face, it was a rarity in both lines of work that they saw anyone with a truly honest face. They both dealt with death and hurt on a daily basis, it was hard not to be weathered by the things they'd seen but she somehow managed to remain compassionate and not get desensitised by the storm of her profession. She was lucky.

"Come on, I can take you to the window of his room but I can't let you in yet" she offered with a smile.

The agent followed her down the hall and through a set of double doors and came to a halt outside the window of Reid's room.

"Agent Hotchner, I have to warn you… the monitors and IV's connected to Doctor Reid will be very overwhelming so if you need a minute, I'll be just over there" she points to another room just down the hall and walks away with soft footsteps.

Aaron clenches and releases his fists repeatedly to ground himself. He screwed his eyes shut and let his head hang forward, seeing Reid was going to be hard, he just didn't know how much. He can feel his breathing speed up and his heart hammering in his chest. When he looked up, his heart stopped and the rest of him followed suit as he stood infront of the window, stock still in shock.

The young Doctor was lying impossibly still on the hospital bed, ventilator tube down his throat, a nurse was adjusting the IV that were inserted into the back of each hand. His chest was swathed in bandages, there were smudges of blood on his face and he was so pale, like one of the victims they'd see on the round table screens. His knee was bandaged tightly his leg was immobilised from thigh to shin with a large black brace. He had drainage tubes taped to the side of his chest and too many monitor pads on his chest for Hotch to count. There were at least 20 wires coming off the kid and the heart rate monitor beep slowly. He looked dead. And he wasn't breathing by himself. Hotch half expected his hand to come up and tuck the stray piece in hair that was resting on his cheek behind his ear. But he didn't move, the nurse was the only thing in the room that moved and she hadn't even registered the doctor and agent standing at the window.

Hotch couldn't take it anymore and walked backwards into the chairs behind him. He wasn't Reid, he was a body that looked like Reid. Where were the statistics and facts that they relied on? The boyish grin that made them forget the horrors he'd faced? The crinkled brow that and muttered ideas that would help solve a case or the hesitant expression when he wanted to input but didn't want to disrupt anyone? Their Reid wasn't there, but his body was lying basically comatose on the hospital bed, drowning under wires and monitors, having a machine breathe for him.

Hotch took a sudden breath as tears fell down his face, he wiped them away quickly and steadied himself. Wiping his palms on his trousers as he stood up and shook his hands like he was shaking those thoughts out of his head. He nodded his head to the doctor, who was watching him from a doorway down the hall and he briskly walked back to his team. 'She's not a part of the team, she doesn't see these emotions,' he thought, 'the team is family and my family needs me'

Memories of Reid were flooding his brain on his journey to the waiting area; the first case he worked with Reid and how he grossly underestimated the young genius, some stupid joke Spencer made that had Gideon and Hotch almost crying in laughter and he kid with the proudest look on his face, celebrating 5 of Reid's birthdays in the round room, finding him in the cemetery… Spencer was family, he was family and Hotch relied on him more than he'd care to admit.

Penelope stood up when he walked through the double doors and the terrified look on her face snapped him back to reality, her hand was still reflexively clutching Derek's hand so when she stood up, the agent had to step quick around the back of Garcia's chair to her side to avoid breaking his wrist. "How is he?" she asked quickly and quietly like she was holding in a breath.

Hotch cleared his throat "He's alive, his leg is in traction after it dislocated in the ambulance and the uh- the surgery took longer than they thought it would because the bullet broke his rib then lodged against the inside of another. They took it out and fixed his lung and bullet wound but he…" he trailed off and looked to the floor. Taking a deep breath he looked back up at the team and continued, "He's not breathing on his own so they've intubated him and he's got drainage tubes in his chest to get the rest of the blood out of his lungs." He took a deep breath and steadied himself to admit the young doctor's harsh reality. "They lost him 3 times on the table and because he stopped breathing for so long, they uh.. They think he might have brain damage"

The room was silent as they all took in the news.

Reid wasn't okay.

Reid might have brain damage.

Spencer might not be the same when he wakes up.

That's if he wakes up at all.

Getting shot on the job is always a risk but they'd been nothing but lucky so far, taking a bullet to the arm or leg, never inflicting long lasting damage but this… The young doctor always got hurt worse than the rest of them like having a seizure and dying during his time with Tobias, being poisoned with anthrax, getting shot in the knee and needing crutches for months... He had the biggest heart of them all and wore it out in the open, not on his sleeve but like a crest emblazoned on his chest. It helped keep them sane and do their job. The fact that a pure genius could practically raise himself since the age of 5, take care of his mother, get several doctorates and BAs, survive kidnapping and torture only to come out stronger on the other side and still try to save people from their own minds was grounding. He saw the good in people, like Tobias. He knew it wasn't Tobias' fault for what happened to him, he only tried to help Reid but the years of abuse broke his brain and turned him into something he was never meant to be. Reid had been tortured physically and psychologically but he didn't stop trying to help people. And now he was lying in a bed, broken and maybe dying, because his heart was undeniably good.

They all sat back down on the chairs, lost in their thoughts and worried for Reid in their own personal bubbles, flitting through memories of Spencer, wondering what they would do if they lost him. One of the group stood up and ran to the toilets, followed by the dark haired agent next to her.

Rossi stood up and pulled Aaron to the opposite corner of the room and started talking to him quietly, Aaron would nod his head every few seconds, then started talking back quietly, looking back towards the ICU corridor every now and then.

Penelope and Derek sat back down and shoulder to shoulder on the seats, her head was down, her hand covered her mouth and tears rolled down her face and over her ring covered fingers. Her right hand was grasped tightly in Derek's left and he stared down the hallway that Hotch had just walked through, waiting for the nurse to appear and tell them they could see the kid. He looked angry and when Penelope looked close enough, he looked scared. His eyebrows were pinched with worry and Penelope could sense his guilt from a mile away. She rubbed her thumb over his hand to draw his attention and give him a look which he knew too well that said I'm scared, he drew her hand closer and kissed it lightly, I know he replied. She rested her head on his shoulder and he laid his chin lightly against her forehead, pressing a small kiss to it then sighing slowly. They didn't need to say anything to each other, the shared pain of being unable to help Reid was insurmountable and no words could help ease it. So they held each other as they fell into a hole of aching sadness.

Emily followed JJ as she ran towards the toilets, JJ was crying because her best friend was dying and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. Everyone felt the punch to the gut when Hotch told them the news but JJ looked like she was going to break in two. That's why Emily followed her, because she knew if she left her alone, she would break irrevocably and Emily couldn't let that happen.

She pushed open the bathroom door and found JJ sat on the toilet seat lid, with the cubicle door mostly closed and the sound of her friend crying echoing 8through the empty bathroom.

"JJ?" she knocked lightly on the door, the blonde nudged it open with her foot and wiped her face with a swab of tissues. Emily crossed her arms and lent against the frame of the cubicle.

"JJ, I'm not gonna ask if you're okay, because none of us are, but do you wanna talk about it?" she stepped through the doorway, grabbed JJ's hand and crouched in front of her.

"I know how much Spencer means to you, to all of us but he's gonna be fine. When has Reid never not been okay when you need him to be?" she asked with a small smile, JJ looked up at her, tears glistened in her eyes and mascara trails decorated her cheeks.

"Now. I need him now and he's not okay. He means everything to me Em, he's my best friend. After you... after Paris, I saw him every day for 10 weeks and got so close with Henry and god, Henry adores him - sometimes more than me and Will - hell, Will and him got so close he almost got Spence to go to a football game with him! I love Spence, he's my best friend, more than that, and if I lose him I-" she cut off with a sob and brought her hand to her mouth to stifle her cries. Emily slid in the cubicle and wrapped her arms around JJ, pushing the door closed with her foot and letting the blonde cry into her jacket. JJ's body was shuddering with every choking sob and Emily could feel the pain in JJ's soul. After Tobias, everyone saw JJ and Spencer get closer, it was never romantic but they depended on each other. They'd lost each other once, Spencer thought JJ had been hurt by Tobias when he was in the cornfield and JJ had to watch her friend get beaten, die, and get brought back to life while knowing that it wouldn't have happened if she insisted they didn't split up. They were fiercely protective of each other and even when it was a fight with a suspect or a paper cut, they would be there to patch the other up. The thought of losing Spencer again made JJ's heart wrench and crumble into pieces.

"I can't lose him again. I wasn't there for him the first time and I watched him die, I'm not about to do that again. Henry needs his godfather and I need my best friend" her voice was muffled by tissues but it was strong and Emily couldn't do anything but hug her.

A pair of bright pink and black heels sped down the hallway towards the toilets, a set of colourfully manicured nails pushed the door open with an unintentional force and strode towards the only occupied cubicle, opening the door, barely stopping to take a breath.

"Emily, JJ, get out here. Spencer just had a seizure but the nurse is taking us to his room now. We gotta go, come on" Garcia didn't even stop moving, nor did she wait for the agents to compose themselves as she turned around and marched to the waiting room. Her fellow agent's shoes rapped on the worn tiling as they hurried after her, tissues discarded and tear tracks wiped away. Penelope made a sharp turn around the corner and went straight to Derek's side, grabbing her bag and nodding at the nurse to take them to their doctor. The team walked stoically behind the nurse, each preparing themselves to see Spencer in his fragile condition, JJ and Garcia mere inches behind the nurses heels. They were surely intimidating the poor man but Emily wouldn't tell them to let off, especially not when he was taking them to Spencer who had been in the hospital for 11 hours. The blinds to his room were slanted so none of them could see in but it was clear the lights were dimmed. The lights from the monitors danced on the blinds and painted them in a way that was far too reminiscent of the ambulance lights on Derek's face for him to ignore.

The nurse stopped them all before they walked in, with a hesitant hand in front of him, "Before you all go inside you need to know that we did have to give him a small dose of pain relief medication to help him sleep so he won't wake up for the next 6 - 8 hours at the very least but if he does, you need to use the assist button that is on the left side of his bed immediately. The equipment that we're using to monitor his condition does look very overwhelming but I can assure you that every machine is helping him and if his condition improves, we can start removing them tomorrow. If anything about his condition changes, one of the night nurses who is assigned to this ward will be in here as soon as possible and if you have any questions about how he is, you can ask her, but we do ask that you keep the noise to a minimum because it is well past visiting hours" He stepped aside and opened the door for the team before leaving them to attend another patient.

Garcia walked into the room first, closely followed by JJ, then Derek, Emily, Dave and finally Hotch who shut the door behind him. Spencer looked horrific. He looked like a victim from a sadistic case they could've worked on. He was covered in a flimsy hospital gown with the pale blue bed sheets pulled up to just under his rib cage. The drainage tube was sticking out of the side of his chest and was surrounded by gauze and tape, there were 3 monitors connected to that side of his chest alone with an oxygen monitor clipped on his finger. 5 other wires on his chest linked to a small screen to the right of the hospital bed and the worst part was the almost see-through tube that went into the young Doctors mouth. Every few seconds the whoosh of sterile air was pumped in and out of his body, forcing the breath into his lungs. His face was pale and gaunt from the blood loss - and the fact that he rarely got more than 4 hours of sleep and relied on caffeine to keep him awake for 20 hours a day didn't help - and he had dark purple - nearly black - rings under his eyes. There was a smudge of blood on the side of his face and the shape of a thumb print and it made Hotch want to gag because he knew it was from the kid's blood on his thumb.

Derek didn't realise he was holding his breath until he let out a short stuttering burst of air which spurred agents around him to move. Hotch offered the chair to Reid's left to JJ who politely declined and instead she stood at the end of his bed like a vigil with Emily at her side. Rossi pushed Hotch down into the chair lightly and kept his hand solidly in the younger man's shoulder as a comfort for the both of them.

He leant his head back slightly and closed his eyes is if in prayer, "Buona salute e cuore ... Prenditi cura di lui ... Per favore …" he murmured under his breath and closed his eyes with a quick nod.

Penelope sat on the other side of Reid and pulled the chair as close to his bedside as she could, she went to hold his hand but stopped herself just before she picked it up because a large IV covered in tape dominated the top of his hand and Derek's hands rested on her shoulders from his position behind her chair.

The team brought colour into the overwhelmingly bland room, much like Spencer did to the bullpen with his constantly mismatched socks and vast array of vests, but it really didn't matter because he wasn't awake to see it.

The air in the room was stifling. It wasn't hot or cold or humid. Seeing the kid deathly pale and barely moving made the air they breathed feel forced, like it was being shoved down their throats in spite. Giving them life freely and without thought while the kid they fiercely fought to protect was having sterilised air pumped into his lungs because his body couldn't do it for him as he lay nearly comatose in front of his closest friends. The fact that Reid wasn't moving hit them all the hardest because although he was nearly always fiddling with something being it a pen or a book, he would only slow down when something was really wrong. Like whenever he got bad news about his mom or something about a case hit too close to home, he would react in the same way every time. His body would tense and his shoulders would sag, his hands would sto completely and then start clenching or fidgeting and his eyes would drop to the floor. He'd try and hide it around the team but it was always clear as day to them, but all too often the case would come first and they couldn't talk about it until it was over.

Now he wasn't doing anything, not even twitching in his sleep. He was just still. And it was scary.

The same nurse from earlier came in and let them know that only 3 people could stay overnight with their doctor. Hotch and JJ being the first choices to leave because of their kids at home, Rossi left with them, claiming "old age and a hospital chair wouldn't be a helpful combination to anyone" which garnered a few chuckles. Emily stayed for an hour before being given the keys to Garcia's apartment, going to feed Sergio and pick up coffee for the three of them, promising to be back in no more than 45 minutes. Leaving Derek and Penelope to watch over Reid as he lay so vulnerable in the hospital bed.

"He looks so small" Garcia whispered, "I mean he's always been thin but he's never been small. I heard his mom say once it's because of all the coffee he drinks" she said with a small smile.

Her hand came up to hold his on her shoulder, "Back when we worked the Fisher King case, when me and JJ stayed with her in the round table room and you guys went off to fight the bad guy, she showed us all of these old photos of Spencer. I don't think he knew she had them, they were in this tiny little book in the bottom of her bag, but she talked about him nonstop and the photos went from the day he was born to the last time he went to go see her. She was so proud when she talked about him..." Penelope felt the tears balancing eyelashes start to spill over on to her cheeks.

"She told us how her Spencer had been a boy genius from day one and how he wrote a letter to her everyday for the past 3 years about us and the BAU and all the people you guys have saved. Right before you all came back, she uh- she had to take her meds and I could see why Reid couldn't visit her as much because it was like we watched her change, you know? Like 10 minutes after she'd taken them, she had this glossy look in her eye and she started to space out every now and then. She started getting paranoid about being around us and in a government building... I mean, it was hard for us to watch and we'd only been with her for 4 and a half hours, and I couldn't imagine how much it hurts Spencer to see that happen to his mom. He told me once that he thinks the reason people tell him their secrets is because he has no one to tell them to but it hurts my heart that he doesn't realise that we tell him those things because we trust him, because even though he could tell the world that stuff, he'd go to the grave defending it. After I got shot and you guys caught... him, and after you stopped staying on my couch" she laughed and she felt Derek's rumble against her back as he chuckled "He came over every day, he bought me breakfast from my favourite café and we'd watch TV then drive to work in Esther and we'd go for lunch together if you guys were here. If you were on a case he'd text me some science joke instead and it made everything easier"

Tears were steadily making their way down Garcia's cheeks and Morgan knelt in front of her to wipe them away with his thumbs and cupping her face.

"Hey, Baby Girl," he tried to get her to look at him but her eyes remained stubbornly focused on her skirt. "Penelope, I need you to look at me" he prompted softly, "Reid knows that we love him. He knows because you and JJ stayed with his mom while he had to go on a case and because he could tell you about his doubts. Pretty Boy wouldn't say that stuff to just anyone and he knows we need him back alive and well, even though he may doubt it sometimes, that just means that we need to be here to reassure him that we do need him. Besides, who else is gonna spurt out crazy facts that break a case or put people to sleep?" Garcia giggled lightly at that which in turn made Morgan crack a smile. He stood up and kissed her forehead before dragging a chair over to sit next to her, holding her hand and waiting for Emily's return or for Spencer to move.

Whichever happened first.

Emily hurried in with 3 coffees in hand 32 minutes later.

The evening light faded away and the gal ring artificial lights coated the hospital.

Minutes rolled into hours and the coffee that Emily had graciously bought had been emptied and discarded within minutes of being recieved.

Many others took their place as the three agents took shifts in sleeping and watching over their friend and the bin in the corner would be piled high by the time daylight coated the room.

The nurse came by every hour to check Reid's vitals, he would walk in, smile, write things down on a chart, smile and walk out again.

After 6 visits, the male nurse finished his shift and an older woman with faded brown hair took his place. Penelope liked her, she had a warmer smile than the male nurse.

Derek woke up Penelope and Emily at 7am with a coffee pushed into their hands, he received 2 grateful smiles in return and they all settled back into the surprisingly uncomfortable chairs, waiting for the rest of the team to turn up again. At 9:30 Rossi, Hotch and JJ walked into the room with hopeful looks on their faces, and Emily felt terrible squashing their hopes that Reid had miraculously healed over night.

Almost 25 hours after the irreplaceable FBI agent was admitted to the hospital, Reid's heartbeat slowed down and the nurses forced the team outside into the hall, calling for a doctor to assist them. They watched in horror as they injected something into his IV, hurriedly psuejed buttons on one of the many machines in to room and started examining his chest, checking his drainage tube and pulse, measuring his blood oxygen levels. After a painfully long time, the nurses walked out and were bombarded with questions they were unable to answer from the team before hearing an assertive "Is he okay?" from the black haired agent in a crisp black suit. They issued a hushed apology before speeding down the hall to alert Spencer's doctor who arrived shortly after the nurse disappeared around a corner.

"I'm sorry the nurses couldn't give you any answers, they have to alert me of any changes to Doctor Reid's condition before they can let the family members know and, as I'm sure you've all guessed, his condition has changed. Spencer's heart rate slowed drastically which was most likely due to adverse reaction to the antibiotics we were giving him for his wound but because the bullet was slightly rusted when it was fired it has lead to small mounts of rust being left in the wound when we extracted it from his chest. But this reaction to the antibiotics, the trauma of the gunshot, the dislocation of his knee and his partial seizure has taken a strain on Spencer and I'm so sorry to say that he's slipped into a coma. Now while this sounds very severe, being unconscious is the body's way of protecting itself and focusing energy on healing rather than bodily functions or trying to wake up. We're not sure if or when he'll wake up but the second anything changes I will be here personally to check his condition" she finished sympathetically, she gave the team a nod and left them to process the information in peace.

One of their own might not make it out alive and there's a chance that they might watch him die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rossi's Italian means 'Good health and heart ... Take care of him ... Please' 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented or liked or read, you're the bomb! 
> 
> Next chapter should be up in a week or two!


	3. Hospitals Are For The Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer's in the hospital, but how much worse can things get?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry that I haven't updated in literal months, ya gal's anxiety and depression kicked in along with trying to do a drama degree during a pandemic but you've got a chapter!! Enjoy guys, gals and non-binary pals!

The doctor walked away from the BAU team leaving silence in her wake. The suited agents stood stock still and frozen, their faces gaunt against the pale blue hospital walls. Devastation hung heavy in the air. 

Out of all the pain they had suffered, Spencer getting hurt always hit the team the hardest.

Reid's unwavering innocence provided them with the willpower to keep doing their job, it's rare for someone in their line of work to be able to experience the things they do and not become a different person because of it but Spencer had an innate ability to take it in his stride and grow, not change. He had new fears and nightmares and scars to add to his collection, sometimes he zoned out or had a distant look in his eye and things that used to scare him didn't hit as hard anymore but deep down inside, he was still the same Spencer. And they relied on him the most when a part of their small family was hurting; he'd always be at JJ's side when a case got too hard and or hit too close to home, he'd reel off facts or lighthearted scientific anecdotes when the jet was too quiet because he knew Derek and Hotch hated the silence, he'd talk about cars or play chess with Rossi if his mentor had a far away look in his eye, he'd get coffee with Emily or bring Garcia her favourite cupcake from the bakery that she loved 45 minutes away because he knew that's what they needed. 

But that was just what Spencer did when his family needed him. Because he couldn't do anything without them so when they needed him, he would stop at nothing to help them like they would do for him. 

The day after Reid was admitted to Parkland hospital, Garcia coerced Cruz into getting Reid moved to the Mary Washington Hospital back in Virginia, telling him that this way they could still do work in the office but could keep Reid under observation in his fragile state.

The team stood outside Spencer's room once he was settled into the new but sadly familiar hospital and listened to his new doctor updating them about his unchanged condition. She stopped listening to the doctors after they started their sentences with "While his condition hasn't changed…" when they updated the team each hour. 

Penelope's hand slid around her arm and squeezed it lightly and she gave her a small smile but judging by the unshed tears hiding behind the red cat eye glasses it probably looked more like a desolate grimace. 

JJ turned back to Spencer's room and wrapped her arms around herself, grasping the pendant of her necklace that Spencer had bought her a couple of years ago. After she found out the truth about her sister's necklace she couldn't wear it anymore so Reid had bought her a replacement and she never took it off. It was comforting but at the moment it just made her want to cry. 

Spencer was hurt, comatose - maybe dying and all she could do was hold onto his necklace. She'd already had to go a year without her friends for a year when she worked abroad but she'd kept in contact with Spencer, sending letters or calling him at least once a week. The possibility of losing him terrified her, she wanted to take him and run. 

But she couldn't. 

After 4 days in the hospital, Reid's new doctor removed the drainage tube from his lung, the surgery having stopped the internal bleeding and fixing the hole in his chest. But 6 days later he still hadn't woken up.

And they all knew that was bad news for Reid thanks to one of the kid's ramblings during a case that after a week in a coma the chances of the patient waking up were slim. 

FLASHBACK 

One of their Unsubs had left a witness with a head injury and a subsequent coma. They were all hunched around the conference table in the small police department, coffee cups littering every surface and the bin to the left of Reid's chair was literally overflowing with coffee cups. The genius was hunched over the file and his messy brown hair was now unruly curls were tucked behind his ears by lightly trembling and nimble fingers when they fell in front of his eyes. Emily had tried to convince him to get a couple of hours of sleep when he hadn't slept for over 3 days but when a case involved kids, he often threw himself into research to catch the unsub - and this time was no different. So every 5 minutes he poured himself another cup of coffee and stood in front of the case board. 

Several hours passed and their resident genius started squinting at the board and mumbling to himself. Dave was the first to notice and joined Reid in front of the board, leaning against the table. 

"Hey kid," Reid didn't react. He gently clasped Spencer's shoulder and it made the younger man jump, he turned to Dave and gave him an absent minded smile before turning back to the facts of the case.

"Reid, what's going on up there?" 

"I'm thinking about Amelia," he murmured. 

"The little girl in the coma?" Dave questioned, "Is there something we missed about her?" 

Spencer's brow wrinkled and he looked to the case board with a sad and almost pained look. His eyes dropped to his stained coffee cup and his fingers tightened reflexively around the mug. 

"If a coma patient who had sustained brain damage didn't wake up after a week, their chances of waking up fall to 72%. If 2 weeks passed, their chances of regaining consciousness fall to 25%"

His shoulders dropped and he curled Inward and Dave had learnt that that was never a good sign. That meant that the kid was seriously upset and was closing himself off. Rossi shifted closer to Reid who leaned toward him slightly. The small movement from Spencer had drawn Hotch's attention and he sent Dave a pointed and worried look, his eyes darting towards Reid and narrowing when he was the younger agent resting his weight against his friends arm. He would've asked Dave out loud but there was no need to draw the team's attention to the kid when he knew that Spencer would hate it and subsequently close up. He'd worked with Reid for years and only seen him do that 4 times, his worry for Spencer shot miles high and he looked to Dave for answers. 

Dave gave him a small nod and tight lipped smile before turning his attention back to the brilliant mind next to him as the younger man started talking, "She's just a little girl and there's nothing we can do to help her, I can't even catch the guy who did that to her. I've helped catch 317 serial killers and we've put 279 of them in jail. I should be able to catch this one!" he shit up from the table scrubbing his hand against his face then crossing his arms tightly against his chest. He could feel everyone's eyes on him and Dave's hand on his shoulder. 

"Reid, we'll catch him, he's not-" 

"How?" he shouted, whipping round to face Rossi. JJ gently pushed the door closed after the only officer near them sent an intrigued glance through the door. 

"How can we find him? How?! We have no leads, no profile and a little girl in a coma because I couldn't do my job!" Reid's eyes were wide and filled with an emotion that a Hotch couldn't identify. He stood up and took a small step towards the kid who flinched like a wild animal trapped in a corner. 

"Reid," he held his hands up placatingly, "You're not thinking clearly, you haven't slept in days-" 

"68" Reid mumbled 

"What?" Morgan whispered 

"68" the kid said in a stronger voice, "I slept 68 hours ago" his hands trembled and his eyes found Hotch's shoes when he saw the look on Morgan's face. 

Derek stood up quickly, grabbed his coat, Reid's bag and the kid's arm and dragged him out the door. The team's faces were varying degrees of shock and concern as they followed the two men out the door and heard the shouts and noises of their struggling genius, 

"Derek! Let me go! Derek I swear to God let-" 

"What?! What are you going to do Reid? Are you gonna hit me? Are you gonna stay up for another 68 hours and start hallucinating or go crazy? Are you gonna try and find the unsub yourself? Or are you just gonna run yourself into the ground and be useless to all of us?"

"I need to do my job Morgan! I've worked a lot longer on a lot less sleep before and nobody cared then so don't start now! Just let me do my damn job!" he shouted, backing away from Derek and his team before his friend grabbed his arm. 

His grip was painfully tight on Reid's arm and Derek's face was murderous. "We cared then and we care now, you were just too wrapped up in your own damn mind to see it, Pretty Boy. We have always been here for you even if you chose not to see it" 

He didn't give Spencer the opportunity to start talking again as he started to drag to him towards the exit. 

"Don't you dare try and say we don't care when it's so damn obvious that we do. So what are you gonna do? Burnout and miss information that could save another kid? No, what you're gonna do is get in the damn car, go to the hotel, and get some damn sleep!" he yelled, pushing a now quiet Spencer into the familiar black SUV and slamming the door shut, sending Penelope a wink from the car before driving down the street and around the corner to their hotel. Leaving a gobsmacked team standing in the doorway of the police station. 

END OF FLASHBACK 

It was slowly killing the team, sitting by Spencer's bedside and watching him lay completely still. Never changing, for better or worse. 

He was stable, after his heart rate dropped and they'd taken him off the antibiotics, but nothing happened. His brain waves were minimal and the doctor had assured them that Reid's brain activity was slightly more than what one would normally see in coma patients which was a good sign but it didn't feel like one to the team. Because Reid didn't wake up, no matter what they did. 

They took shifts at the hospital and made sure that Reid was never alone. In case he woke up and one of them wasn't there. Hotch would take the early morning shift from 3:30 - 7:30, giving him enough time to get back and have breakfast with Jack before taking him to school.

JJ took the next shift from 7:30 - 11:30, bringing Henry with her more often than not to give Will a reprieve and for the boy to see his godfather. 

Rossi claimed the 11:30 - 3:30 shift and he would sit quietly by Spencer's side, talking to him in a low, comforting voice about his day or how the team was doing. 

Emily sat with Spencer from 3:30 - 7:30, she would read Chaucer to him because Reid had told her once that his favourite memory with his mom was her reading to him and Chaucer was the only book in Reid's desk that wasn't a medical journal or in Latin. 

Derek took the next shift and Penelope took the 11:30 - 3:30 shift but Penelope would turn up early and Derek would leave late, neither one of them wanting the other to be alone. Penelope would tell Derek about the studies she'd read that theorised that coma patients could hear, smell and feel whilst they were unconscious which helped in their recovery and most patients remembered what they'd experienced after they woke. Derek would regail her with stories of him and their boy genius, recounting the weird and wonderful things he'd managed to get the kid to do - and on occasion, some of Reid's brilliant moments that solved a case and saved a life that the doctor had never shared with her before. 

Those 2 weeks were hard on everyone. Life outside the hospital was loud and fast and forever spinning but the second the team stepped foot inside the hospital doors, everything slowed down like a broken merry-go-round and Reid would've hated it. For someone as cautiously vibrant as Reid with his fantastic quirks and sometimes not-so-quiet brilliance, being completely still and nearly brain dead stripped him of everything that made him Spencer Reid. 

After the first 3 days Garcia decided that Spencer wouldn't wake up to a bland room, he'd wake up to a loved one. She told Rossi she wanted to give the room "some serious pizzazz" when he came to her apartment with pasta and coffee after finding out she'd been at the hospital for 38 out of the 62 hours Reid had been in hospital for. She placed Doctor Who figurines on nearly every surface, Star Trek logos adorned the pots that held brightly coloured flowers from his friends and with the go-ahead from a nurse, she put a mismatched pair of socks on his feet. Switching them everyday became almost ritualistic for her, it stopped her from breaking down and it gave the team a little bit of joy when they saw the new pair each morning. 

With the team spending every day at the hospital with the young doctor, Cruz gave them 2 weeks off and justified it as a traumatic event and that meant that the team needed time off to recuperate before their psychological evaluations. He admitted to the team that he had only ordered them as a way of giving them more time with Reid and would count it as one of their bi-annual psychological evaluations. He had been forced to ask them to give him the report on the case and how Spencer was shot within 3 days of Reid being admitted but he gave them more leeway than most would've and as JJ had told him, it had earned him major brownie points with the team. 

Garcia had been tasked with calling his mom and telling her about Reid, it didn't go well and it ended with both sides of the call crying - one demanding to go and see her son, the other silently weeping for her friend whose mother was crumbling to pieces. Diana had wanted to fly out and see Spencer in the hospital but without Spencer's say so she couldn't travel anywhere. This had left the frantic mother calling Penelope once a week and asking her for update on her son which lead to the Reid's doctor giving her the exact same speech when she asked for them: "Your son is stable for now, we are monitoring his condition constantly, he isn't being given any pain medication at his request and the second something changes, you will be notified Ma'am." It soothed her and she would give Penelope orders on how to take care of Spencer for the rest of the call before calling him Crash and saying an absent minded goodbye. 

Doctor Brauff, who they had an extensive background in after Garcia did some digging became a saving grace for the team during the first week of Reid's hospitalisation. She insisted they call her Anita and gave them as many updates as she could, telling them every medication that they put him on, what they did and how they could help him each day. Even Hotch was friendly with the doctor and they were all thankful for her understanding their little family and for giving them unrestricted visitation hours, something that nearly no doctor would do. 

As 13 days passed, Spencer's room slowly filled up with colourful things at Garcia's request. Vibrant drawings and hand-made cards from Henry and Michael, flowers from his friends, figurines from Garcia and the occasional card from old colleagues.

Henry missed Spencer a lot, JJ had told him that his uncle Spencer was sick and that they couldn't see him on his and Mommy's days off for the next few weeks and the boy had cried for hours. He drew him 2 pictures a day and demanded to deliver them to the hospital with his mom even though he wasn't allowed to see him. He asked her everyday to give 'Uncle Spence' a hug and tell him that once he was okay again, they were going to go and see the magic show in the park and he was gonna show him the new magic tricks he'd learnt. Every day she smiled, kissed the top of his head, told him she would and wished that Spencer would wake up. 

On the 14th day of Spencer's stay in hospital something changed. 

Emily was almost 2 hours into her shift that she had taken over from JJ, another book of poetry that Reid had on a shelf in his library, it was barely touched and had a small inscription on a bookmark tucked away behind the front page that read:

Dear Spencer, 

I found this on my bookcase and thought it might be more at home on yours. You told me once that your mom lost her copy before you had the chance to read it and I think it will be a good read. You'll have to tell me if it is.

J. Gideon 

Emily knew he meant a lot to Spencer and the slight bend at the bottom of the book that was basically Spencer's signature told her that the book meant a lot to him too.

She was almost a third of the way through the book and her French, although she hadn't used it in a while, was still impeccable as she gracefully flowed through the verses quietly, reading more to herself than to Reid. She was about to finish the page when a new, and startlingly loud beeping interrupted the poetry. She dropped the book and stood up slamming the call button on the side of the bed and grabbing Reid's hand. She had just wrapped her fingers around his when she felt his hand squeeze hers lightly. She almost stopped breathing. 

"Reid?" 

He squeezed again, slightly harder. 

"Reid? Can you hear me? Reid?" she wanted to jump for joy, scream and cry all at the same time. Spencer was waking up, he was waking up and he was squeezing her hand and she couldn't have been happier. Doctor Brauff ran through the door with a nurse at her side and stepped up to Spencer's bed, checking the monitors quickly before taking a pen light to Spencer's eyes. She pulled his eyelids back slightly to shine the light in them and stilled when they barely reacted, she tried again, calling out his name when his eyelids flickered under her careful touch. The doctor shoved the pen back in her breast pocket and pulled back the blanket that was draped over Reid, she balled it up and shoved it into the empty chair behind her. She pressed her hand to the bottom of his foot and shook her head with such a minute movement that Emily would've missed it had she not been trained on the Doctor. Brauff took his left hand before telling Emily to let go of his right and wrapped her hands around it tightly. 

"Doctor Reid? Can you hear me?" She tapped his wrist lightly, "Doctor Reid, if you can hear me I need you to squeeze my hand" she squeezed his in the hopes that he would do the same in return but Emily's eyes were drawn away from the sight when she realised his right hand was reaching out towards Emily and squeezed sporadically, it reminded her of Henry when he wanted her to lift him up. She wanted so desperately to grab his hand and not let go but the look on Doctor Brauff's face made her stay still, standing numb next to Reid's bed. 

"Doctor Reid! I need you to squeeze my hand if you-" his pale hand clenched tightly around her tanned one and Emily's heart jumped into her throat. 

"That's it! Can you do it Doctor Reid?" his fingers shook slightly as his hand clenched around hers again. Brauff looked at Emily and gave a tight smile and a sharp nod l, this was a great sign, Spencer might be okay. Emily wanted to cry. 

"That is brilliant, Spencer! You're doing amazing but I need you to open your eyes if you can. I need you to really try" His eyelids flickered and his outreached hand was still clenching but nothing else happened

"Come on Doctor Reid, I need you to open your eyes…"

"Doctor Reid?" she looked worried. Brauff tried to let go of Reid's hand but his stayed wrapped unwaveringly tight around hers.

"Doctor Reid, you can let go of my hand now" 

His hand was getting paler by the second and didn't let go nor loosen his grip on the doctor. His other hand was still grabbing for Emily but it was faster than before. His tendons were strained and his hand was shaking. Brauff's face paled and she forced Emily out of the room, yelling for 2 nurses to help her. They ran into the room and Emily stood by the window, book in hand as she watched Spencer shake violently on the bed, his immobilised leg jerked viciously in its brace and lifted the whole thing off of the bed before landing with a resounding snap that made Emily flinch. Her shaking hands that mimicked Spencer's body came up to cover her mouth in shock and terror as Brauff yelled for a medication Emily couldn't name and pinned down Spencer's thigh, trying to stop the convulsions from injuring his leg even more. She tried to put pressure on the stitches in the kid's chest to keep his stitches from ripping but the blood in the bandages told Emily it was too late for that. The nurses tried to roll him into the recovery position but with his leg in traction they took most of the pillows and put them around his leg before injecting a syringe full of medicine into his IV. 

4 minutes after his seizure started, Spencer's hands stopped clenching and he hit the bed with a resounding thud, his battered body strewn across the mattress heart-stoppingly still. The loud beeping that had first startled Emily was slowing down and Brauff sent the nurses out of the room after they rearranged the gangly genius on the bed. 

Doctor Brauff picked up his chart and started writing on it quickly and took it out of the room, hurrying past Emily towards the nurses station, she talked to the woman behind the desk for seconds before jerking her head towards Spencer's room and then speeding down the hallway towards her office. Emily stood in front of Reid's room, her eyes glazed over and her eye line was on her unmoving friend but her eyes were blank and her breathing was stuttery. She went to reach for her phone but her hand fumbled against her pocket and she dropped the book she didn't realise she'd picked up. 

The agent stared at the leather bound book on the floor. The cover had a small scuff on the corner and the pages were crumpled against the dull grey tiles of the hallway. Emily snatched to book from the floor and hurriedly flattened out the pale brown pages. Tears fell from her eyes as she tried to iron out the creases that littered the page, her breathing got harsher and faster until he felt hands guiding her into the chairs outside Spencer's room. She couldn't see anything but vague shapes and dulled colours when she hit the fake leather seat, her heavy breathing echoed in her ears and the sounds of the hospital felt like an assault on her senses. Someone tried to take the book from her hands and Emily wanted to scream at them, instead she kept an iron grip on the book and grabbed the wrist that was in her limited field of vision, twisting it around and pushing the shoulder of her offender until she had them subdued with their back infront of her. The physical exertion combined with the stress of seeing Reid seizing on a hospital bed had her panting and struggling to draw air into her lungs. She came to her senses when she recognised the tattoo decorating the arm she had restrained. She let go of her friend's wrist like it was on fire and stumbled over her words whilst trying to help him up. 

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry I- don't know what I was doing! I didn't know it was you - I just saw hands coming at me and-" She was cut off by Derek "It's okay, don't worry about it. Just breathe Prentiss" he was gently cradling her hands but she didn't seem to realise he was even talking. "I was reading to Reid and then he just started shaking and the doctor kicked me out and I had his book and the pages are creased and I know that Reid hates creased pages and I…" 

Her breath caught in her throat and it jolted her chest, the tears that balanced on her eyelashes were now tumbling down her cheeks and dripping onto the book in her hands, overwhelmed at seeing her friend seize so violently.

Derek eased the book out of her hands and wrapped her in a tight hug as she calmed herself down. They stayed like that for a short while, silent and overwhelmed. After Emily's hands had stopped shaking, a nurse came over with a packet of tissues and a sympathetic smile, Derek took them with a nod of thanks and handed them to Emily who used one to wipe away the tear arms that she left on the cover of the book. She let out a long breath and wiped the remnants of tears from her eyelashes. Derek kept his hand on her shoulder and dipped his head to catch her eye, "You okay now Princess?" he asked quietly. 

She chuckled and punched him lightly in the shoulder, laughing out a "Yes" in response. 

"Yeah, I'm okay. We need to find out what's going with Reid" silently berating herself for freaking out when her friend was lying comatose after a violent seizure with doctors swarmed around him. 

Emily pushed herself up from the chair and grabbed Spencer's book. She walked towards the familiar room her friend lay unconscious in, waiting for Derek to be by her side before shifting her eyes between the doctors to see Spencer's comatose body. 

He was worse than before. That was to be expected. He'd just had a grand mal seizure and Emily still hadn't forgotten the horrific snap that came from his leg before he stopped moving again. The pillows were still piled around his leg and both of the agents could see the dark purple bruising that was covering a large portion of his skin that wasn't hidden by the brace. Most people would say he looked like he was just sleeping but Emily and Derek knew better. The team knew better. They'd seen Reid when he was knocked out and when he was asleep, the two were vastly different. Derek often silently wished that would look just like he did when JJ had given him his Melatonin and Nyquil cold and flu solution and the kid had slept for just over a day. 

He was as pale against the hospital sheets, if not sickly white. His unruly brown curls were splayed out against the cotton pillow case and not in what JJ called the "Spencer Reid flop" which was coined after the many times they'd fallen asleep in the jet and the kid woke up with his hair sticking up in every direction. Instead, it was limply ruffled against the pillow, tangled curls strewn every which way and one lone strand of hair was draped across his forehead. Derek would've made a Danny Zuko joke had the kid been awake. But he wasn't. So Derek stayed silent. 

Emily couldn't look at Reid's battered and bruised form anymore so she stalked towards the nurse's desk, her mind clearly elsewhere when she waited for the nurse in duty to finish reeling off information to the person on the other end of the call. She was the nurse that Emily had first met in Reid's 3rd day in hospital, a younger woman with strawberry blonde hair, green eyes and freckles littered across her hands, neck and face. 

She put the phone back in the holder and with a simple smile she looked up at Emily, "Hi, I'm sorry for the wait, how can I help you?" she pushed a stack of papers into a file and placed it in a metal tray to her right. 

"Can you tell me anything about Spencer Reid? He's in room 317 and the doctors won't let us in or tell us what's going on" her grip on the book unconsciously tightened and the gold print on the front glinted in the artificial light. She ran her fingers over the indentations, 'La Chasse Spirituelle by Arthur Rimbaud'. The leather was familiar under her hands and it brought her a sense of calm. 

"I'm sorry, I can't release any information unless you're his family." the nurse gave her a quick, sad smile. 

"I'm with the FBI, he doesn't have any family that you can talk to. SSA Aaron Hotchner at Quantico is his emergency contact and told his nurse that in the case of an emergency and Agent Hotchner wasn't here, the hospital is allowed to tell the agent watching Doctor Reid about his condition." Emily pulled out the leather case of her FBI badge and flicked it open with ease, giving the nurse her best 'I'm-a-poor-sad-lonely-woman' eyes. 

The nurse examined her badge and gave Emily a sympathetic or slightly scared smile. Emily couldn't tell which it was. She started typing away at the computer and soon after she looked back up at Emily 

"Okay, give me one second" she babe them a quick smile walked over to one of the doctors who walked out of Spencer's room. They talked quietly and quickly before she hurried back to the desk  
"So, they're assessing Doctor Reid right now so there's not much I can tell you but that nurse that just walked out of his room is going to call Agent Hotchner and get him to consent to sending your friend in for an X-ray and an MRI. Until the doctor comes back I can't let anyone into his room but as soon as she's available, she'll come down here and tell you more about his condition" she explained. 

Emily thanked her and Derek gave her a nod before they turned back to the seats by Reid's room and stood in front of them trying to see Spencer amongst the scrubs and white coats. 

They were silent for minutes before Derek spoke up "So if we can't go in and see him we'll stay out here" He stated, he looked at Spencer through the all too familiar window in the door and felt for his phone in his pocket. 

"I gotta let the team know about the kid, you good here?" the look in his eyes translated clear as day in Emily's mind, 'don't let Reid out of your sight'. 

She gave him a firm nod, "I'm good, go call Hotch, he'll probably be racing over here as we speak" he smirked at her and in turn she gave him a small chuckle. 

Little did she know, her joke was far too accurate. 

Hotch had just sat down on the worn brown sofa in his apartment, a light smile on his face as Jack yelled "Yes!" after being given free reign of the TV. The young boy ran over to the DVD collection and pulled out The Aristocats, looking to his dad for approval before pushing the disk into the DVD player and jumping up onto the cushion next to Hotch. He titled the large blue bowl towards Jack and let out a chuckle as his son took 2 handfuls of popcorn and placed them in the makeshift bowl he'd made in his shirt. 

Hotch was eternally grateful for Jack, he was all he'd ever wanted in a kid and more. Even though he'd lost his mom he was still incredibly kind, he never blamed Hotch for not being there all the time thanks to the the BAU and instead thought of him as hero, which Aaron was reminded of every time he sat down at his desk and saw the framed photo of him holding Jack in a tiny grey suit and red tie on his hip from Halloween a couple of years ago. 

Lightning McQueen was having a strange makeover montage when Hotch's phone rang, he shifted the bowl onto Jack's lap and slid off the couch to grab his mobile, Jack went to pause the movie but Hotch put a hand on the remote first, "It's okay buddy, you keep watching the movie, I'll be back in a sec" he ruffled his sons hair as he walked behind the couch and towards his office, shutting the door before answering the call. 

"This is Hotchner," 

"Hello Mr Hotchner, I'm calling from the Mary Washington hospital regarding Doctor Spencer Reid. We need you to come in immediately due to a change in his condition."

Hotch could've sworn his heart stopped. 

"What happened?" he asked, his voice was so quiet - even to himself - that he wasn't sure the woman on the other end of the phone had heard him. Spencer was a kid, a lanky, 30-something, seriously damaged kid, but a kid all the same and Hotch had looked after him for years. 

"Doctor Reid just had a grand mal seizure and is being taken for an X-ray and an MRI but we need you to authorise the scans as his emergency contact." 

Hotch thought an invisible rope had been tied around his neck like a noose and was being pulled impossibly tighter. His heart was in his stomach and his hands were gripping his phone so tight he thought it might shatter. Spencer was getting worse. 

"Agent Hotchner?" a tinny voice echoed, "Agent Hotchner, I know this is a lot of information but we need you to come to the hospital and give us permission" 

He couldn't breathe. 

"I think he'd want the scans" Hotch's voice answered, but Hotch couldn't even think straight let alone answer someone else. "I'm on my way, can you wait for me to see him before you take him once I'm there? " he needed to see Spencer. 

"Unfortunately not, the nurses are taking him down for the X-ray as soon as you say yes but they only take 20 minutes, so we can have someone take you to him before he goes for his MRI if you'd like?“ 

Hotch nodded and screwed his eyes shut, breathing harshly he muttered, "I'll be there in 15" down the phone and ended the call before the nurse could reply. 

He thought it couldn't get much worse. Reid couldn't take much worse. 

He heard the sock-muted footsteps of Jack coming towards him and he mustered a small smile for his son as he trotted into the kitchen. "Hey buddy," he spoke easily, "what's up?" 

"Are you okay Daddy?" he asked, his inquisitive little blue eyes gleaming up at his father, looking at the worry that rimmed his eyes. 

"I'm good, little man, but I'm gonna have to pause movie night tonight. You remember Spencer?" the little boy nodded, his face solemn and his hands wrapped up in his t-shirt. 

"I drew him a card with my colours from Aunt Jessica" 

"That's right buddy, well Spencer is still sick and I have to go to the hospital and make sure he's okay so he can wake up and see your card. But I'm gonna see if Henry and his mom can come over and you guys can keep watching the movie. Then once I'm back we can have pizza for dinner!" he said with a smile as Jack's eyes lit up. His cheeky grin took over his face and he nodded eagerly, hugging his dad's leg before running back to the couch to continue watching the movie. 

Hotch took a deep breath and dialed JJ's number, scrabbling to find his wallet and keys as he told her about the situation. She quickly agreed to coming over, telling him she'd be 20 minutes with Henry and Michael and that she would happily watch them for the night. He gave her a short but earnest thank you before he ended the call and made his way into his bedroom to put on his shoes. 

He walked into the bedroom and shut the door, leaning back against it, his shoulders taught and his body on edge. He needed to calm down, being too emotional wouldn't help anyone right now. He steadied himself and pushed off of the door, pulling on his sneakers that he only wore on his days off and lacing them up tightly before rejoining his son. Hotch placed a delicate kiss on the fine blonde locks and fondly watched his son shout at the animated cars racing on the screen. 

A short, sharp series of knocks echoed through the apartment and he hurried to the door, and opened it with a tense smile to see JJ with Michael on her hip and Henry eager to see his friend by her side. She walked in with a worried smile and gave him a reassuring nod before he ran out the door, muttering a stressed "Thank you, I'll be back as soon as possible" over his shoulder. 

He ran down the stairs to his car, too anxious to wait for the elevator and threw himself into the driver's seat, starting the car with almost shaky hands and peeling off down the street. 

Hotch couldn't tell you what he was thinking on the drive to the hospital, he couldn't tell anyone what had been playing on the radio or how many green lights he drove through. He couldn't remember a damn thing until he ran into the doctor standing in front of Reid's room, holding a chart and scribbling notes down furiously and the look of shock in the doctor's face when he realised he was standing there. 

"Oh, sir! Sorry, I was writing…" he apologised profusely, pushing the chart closed and he looked at Aaron's face and stopped his ramble. Fidgeting with the pen in his grasp, he asked "Can I help you?" 

Hotch replied with a stoic voice, "I need to talk to Doctor Brauff, I'm the emergency contact for a patient and I need to consent to some scans." He was quite proud of how he was controlling his face, his heart was hammering at a million miles a minute and he felt that if there was one more bad thing that happened to Reid he would burst at the seams and fall into pieces. They were both pushed to their limits, on the precipice of breaking. 

The doctor was talking to him but he really didn't register a thing he was saying, a clipboard was pushed into his hands and he felt his head nodding, his hands shaking. The doctor was looking at him with a mildly concerned expression and Hotch zoned back in to hear him say "Sir? Do you give your consent? We need to move him as soon as possible and we can't until you say yes" 

Hotch nodded and cleared his throat before he could talk, "You have my consent, can I see him? Before he's moved?" 

The doctor shook his head and Hotch seriously considered punching him. "I'm sorry we have to take him right away, the seizure could have done some serious damage to his leg and brain, but if you want you can come in the room with us before we take him down to X-ray?" 

Hotch nodded his thanks and followed the doctor into the all too familiar room where Spencer lay lax on the hospital bed, gangly limbs being moved back against his sides as 3 interns prepared him for his scans. His face was pale - paler than before - and his right cheek was damp with a matching dampness on the pillow, evidence of the harshness of his seizure. The brave in his leg was being righted by one of the junior doctors and the purple bruising that had started to diminish was back with all its horrific vibrancy. 

Someone grasped his shoulder and tugged him against the wall as Reid was wheeled out of the room and Hotch didn't fight it. He watched as Spencer disappeared through the double doors and around the corner. 

He couldn't take much more of this. 

Hotch shook himself back to reality and looked to the person who'd pulled him out of the way, their dark hand still resting on his shoulder. 

Derek's face was drawn into a grim look of concentration, his eyes tightly fixed to Hotch's face as he watched Hotch ground himself. He and Emily looked around their boss at each other, a silent conversation taking place through facial movements that - to an outsider, would look strange and thoroughly entertaining; after a while, Derek let out a heavy sigh. 

The agents each grasped a dark-clothed elbow and led their friend to the chairs dotted around the empty space where Spencer used to lay. The silence was painful. The air was too heavy for words. They all felt it, the oppressive heaviness that was all around them, it was wrapping itself around their necks, shoving its dark shadows down their throats and tightening around their hearts. Spencer was special, unique beyond words. His light, that was impossibly hard to extinguish, had kept then running as a team for so many years and this - being in the hospital, overrun with seizures, medication and pain - was slowly but surely dimming that light. Without it, time felt slow and painful to trudge through, which was why the past 2 weeks had been so hard. 

They sat in contemplation for a while, Emily flitted between constantly checking her watch and watching the door Spencer kept on disappearing behind, his book clutched tightly in her hands. Derek stared emptily into the space where Reid's bed used to be and Hotch hunched over, elbows resting in his knees, hands clasped under his chin, just like Gideon used to when everything was going wrong. Emily could tell you that they waited an hour and 23 minutes before Spencer was wheeled back through those doors. They shut so loudly that it made her flinch and almost drop the book. 

All three agents stood up in unison, not on purpose, but the thought of seeing Reid brought them all to their feet. The aged wheels clacked as they rolled over the metal rail in the floor of the doorway and all three of them thought about ripping the nurses out of the way to see him. With a nurse at each end of the bed the team had a clear view of Spencer once he was in the room and the second they saw his face, a small joint sigh of relief gently echoed through the room. 

He still looked as bad as he had before he was wheeled away, Hotch had this weird niggling glimmer of hope in the back of his mind that when they wheeled Reid back in, he would magically look better. He'd maybe look healthier, like he hadn't been shot and seized and fucked up his leg. Hotch decided the second Reid was pushed through that door that this was all fucked, Reid was an incredibly smart kid stuck in a lanky adult's body and he didn't deserve this. 

Emily, Derek and Hotch were transfixed on Reid while the nurses babbled away, they picked up on the odd reassuring sentence and the 'We're optimistic..' that was spouted every time they thought he was getting better but the trio couldn't care less. 

Spencer was theirs to protect and although they'd never said that out loud, it was an unwritten rule in their tight-knit group. And they just wanted to sit there with him, without doctors or nurses. They just wanted to sit there and be with him until he opened his eyes again. They just had to wait.


	4. The Cold Hands of the Dearly Departed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer wakes up but not everything goes to plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry kids, I left you on a cliffhanger last chapter and I'm gonna do it again but I hope you enjoy! It's a short chapter but necessary to to story :)

It was cold, like mind-numbingly, painfully freezing. Spencer’s feet were so cold they hurt and that was the first thought that crossed his mind as he slowly awoke. It was like that cold that’s so painful it’s almost hot. The kind of cold that seizes the blood in your veins and the warmth in your bones and feels like it’s paralyzing you from the inside out..

It reminded him of the time his mom had one of her episodes and piled them into their car before driving across the state to a forest in the middle of nowhere. She gave him a pair of too-big galoshes and his dark green rain coat before walking off into the treeline, barely waiting for him to put them on as she disappeared behind the perfect camouflage of mottled green leaves. He tried to run after her but the oversized boots caught on the debris of untouched nature and catapulted him into the unseen puddle on the woodland floor. He felt a modicum of disgust as water spilled into his boots, drenching his feet and covered him in muddy water from the knees down. He pulled himself out of the puddle and raced after his mom, scanning the floor and through the trees to spot a glimpse of her worn lilac cardigan and blonde waves. He walked through the forest and scanned for his mom for what felt like hours before following the indents of her footsteps to find her standing in front of a small lake. 

He remembered looking at her and thinking she’d never looked so beautiful and untethered.She stood there with the sun shining on her face and a free but completely dissociated smile as the wind made her hair float around her like she was sinking to the bottom of a lake. It was a scary type of serenity.

It was pure and terrifying at the same time. 

He stood next to her and waited for hours until the sky turned black and the stars shone brightly, he waited with her until she remembered him and apologised then walked them back to the car and drove home like nothing happened. He waited with her when it got so cold that frost dusted the dead leaves on the ground and the flowers that grew through them. 

When they eventually got home, he sat in the bath until his feet unfroze and the water turned cold. He ran his mom a bath and made them the box of mac and cheese that he bought when he went to the store the day before, he sat with her as they ate at the aged dinner table, gave her the small white pills from the bottle in her nightstand and laid in bed next to her as she read him a collection of Henry Scogan’s poems until they fell asleep.

His feet felt just as cold as they did at the edge of that lake but he couldn’t figure out why. He wanted to pull his worn blankets tighter around him and tug the brightly coloured crocheted blanket Penelope made him up to his chin but when he opened his eyes, it wasn’t there. He wasn’t in his apartment, nor was he anywhere he recognised. He was lying on an uncomfortable bed with wires and machines attached to him and a bright light above his head blinded him. He lifted his left hand to block the light and half-heartedly wipe his eyes to clear them but the tubes stuck in his hand prevented him from doing so. A royal blue box to his left caught his eye, swiftly followed by flowers littered around the room and balloons with pearlescent strings floating in the corner by what he assumed was the door. His eyes were so blurry he could really only see colours and vague shapes without his contacts. His inability to see sent him searching for his glasses but his eyes caught on a large hot pink lump piled on a chair to his right. He went to reach for the lump, his curiosity telling him to poke it and see but the glint of light on a lens next to the lump had him reaching for his glasses. He slid the cold frames onto his face and inspected the lump as best he could, pulling at the fabric before realising it was one of Penelope’s blankets. The warmth he knew it would provide was something he deeply welcomed so he gathered all his strength and pulled it onto his bed and covered himself with it. He noticed a weight on his leg but his strength had whittled away and he really didn’t want to move his blanket to see what it was. 

He sighed lightly into the fabric, his excursion having wiped out all of his energy and he wanted nothing more than to sleep but he was prevented from doing so when a nurse entered his room. She didn’t look at him when she walked in, going to the end of his bed and pulling out his chart, flicking through until she found a specific page then pulling out a small bottle and a needle from two small, clear sanitised bags. Spencer tried to talk to her and get her attention but his mouth wouldn’t cooperate, he tried to just make a noise but through his tiredness he realised he couldn’t, his throat was sore from being unused and he had no energy left. He slowly started to fall asleep again but a nagging in his brain told him to open his eyes, his subconscious had recognised something his brain had missed. He forced his eyes open once again and looked around until he focused on the small bottle next to the nurse’s hip; the blurriness of his vision made it difficult to focus on the small letters but a panic set in when he realised what it said - carbenicillin. 

If he was in a hospital nowhere near Quantico, they might not have any information about his allergy, he knew Penelope knew of it but it wasn’t on his hospital records since he only discovered it after helping a colleague with a small study and he had a bad reaction when he accidentally spilt carbenicillin on on the papercut on his finger and his colleague had immediately given him epinephrine. He had to let the nurse know because Penelope wasn’t here and he didn’t want to die.

He tried kicking the railing next to his bed but he suddenly realised the weight on his leg was a heavy brace, completely immobilising it. He watched as she read his chart carefully, noting the dosage and then pulling the clear liquid into the syringe, he heard the monotone beeping that he had previously ignored suddenly increase in pace and draw the nurses attention to the screen before her eyes quickly flitted to his face. Dread settled in his stomach when he realised he couldn’t do anything and she pulled the stethoscope from around her neck and pulled down his blankets to press it against his chest. She listened quickly before pulling it away and tapping the side of his face and saying ‘Spencer? Spencer can you hear me? Mr Reid?’ She pulled up his eyelids to shine a penlight in them and his eyes darted around at the sudden intrusion of his personal space. She repeated his name again and quietly dipped out of the room to gain the attention of another nurse before zipping back to his side. His strength was diminishing faster and faster and he felt himself slowly slipping into unconsciousness, he was desperate to tell the nurse about his allergy, he’d gone into anaphylactic shock before and it had almost killed him, he didn't feel like doing it again. 

The second nurse hurried into the room and he couldn’t hear what she was saying, it was quiet and low which he found soothing as the other noises in the room started to blur into white noise. The nurse pulled up his eyelids again - he hadn’t realised they were closed - and it gave him the opportunity to see his first nurse pick up the syringe. He was desperate to tell her to stop but his body was failing him and he wanted to cry when he heard the older nurse say ‘Give him the carbenicillin, it should help with the increase in his heart-rate, the gunshot may have transferred some bacteria and if anything, antibiotics will help fight the infection. Check his chart for allergies and get 2 milligrams of heparin, it will take the ease off his heart and lower the risk of blood clots, this poor boy needs all the help he can get.’ 

A tear slipped out of his eye as it closed and he felt his heart hammering in his chest. He couldn’t help himself as one quiet, solitary thought passed through his head before he passed out. Before his chest started aching and he couldn't breathe. Before he felt the burning pain of jarring his broken bone in his thigh as he seized again. Before his throat closed up and he didn’t have to hear Penelope screaming when she saw the white glint of bone sticking out of his thigh and the blood leaking onto the floor. Before he saw white and felt like he was floating. 

Just one, lonely, terrible thought,

He was still cold.


End file.
